fÿck.nein

i've begun to think that the lolcats were starting to get tired. "trashcat" from many years back was funny, and normally i can't stand the 4chan-ification of our cyberlives... but someone finally took it to a whole new level of wrong.



if this was my cat and it was "bring your pet to school day..." i'd get expelled... but it would be worth it.

so here are three of the cabinets i helped make in the last few weeks. both of which are covered with a special polyester paint that only two people on the east coast can do in black. it involved more sanding and buffing than a new car. but check out the reflection in the finish.











and here is the little white bathroom cabinet made out of cherry laminate plywood covered in medium density fiberboard. you'd never know it wasn't solid hardwood. well, if it was, the marble counter top and giant bowl sink would probably warp it over time.




it gives me some sense of satisfaction to see the stuff being used before it's even finished. the house itself is art deco and only contains the colors white, black, and red. the living room looks a lot like the black lodge from twin peaks.

all in all, i'd say my phone takes pretty high quality pictures.

i'll be the first to admit that my guilty pleasure is to watch maury povich paternity test shows, but the "wild teen" shows bother me on several levels.

for one thing, it always appears there's never a father in the picture. at the risk of sounding like a nuevo1950's midwest republican it would seem that the whole "village raising a child thing" isn't working for these kids. these kids are totally out of control, having sex, selling their bodies, doing drugs, beating their mothers, talking back, stealing, etc.

these mothers come on the show crying about how they're powerless to the abuse at the hands of their children. they cry and say there is nothing they can do. while i understand the life of a single mother is hard, obviously letting the kids run amock until 11pm after school isn't the solution to the problem.

the other problem is that beating your kids will land you in jail. i never got a beating because i never did anything to deserve one, but i got chased around by my father a few times and saw a look in his eye that set me straight. i disagree with about everything in the bible, but i think they were on the right track when they said "Spare the rod, spoil the child."

so back to maury. the girls come out, yell out the crowd "you don't know me!" or "i'll do what i want!" then D West, or "conan the blackbarian" comes out in his sweater vest with his mahogany biceps and triceps oiled up and sets them straight, usually be sticking them in jail for the night. but here's the problem... they're going to go home, run with their old crew, and start the same behavior. maury needs to have a show where D West comes in and lectures the mothers about how they're happy to be doormats.

now as an outside observer to this, i can't say i've really experienced it first hand. i went to a private school with upper and upper middle class kids, and the occasional "smart kid from the ghetto who is on full scholarship and will do whatever it takes to get to college", so i can't relate to the social strata from whence these kids appeared. but i can only assume by the fact that the mother who is on now (who has a 15 year old daughter with a tongue ring) just said "my daughter threw a lit cigarette under the neighbors trailer and burnt it down and got an arson charge" that we're not dealing with the trumps. as the comedian earthquake said, "you've got to break this cycle of poverty! you've been CHOSEN!" i guess chris rock's "if your daughter is on the (stripper) pole, you have failed as a parent!" is apropos. because i'm pretty sure we'll be seeing these girls again in 3-5 years at fat lou's cabaret stuffing dollars into a tiny purse containing condoms and coke.

where has the motivation to contribute to the world gone? it seems like since the renaissance all we've done is find more creative ways to make smaller things we don't need but have to own in order to be a member of society. does a family of 4 need a hummer? unless they live in rural alaska, absolutely not. does anyone on earth really need an ipod? no. buy a $30 discman and use the $300 left over to pad it in your pocket so it doesn't skip. is there a single person on earth who need a laptop so thin that you can accidentally throw it out with a stack of newspapers? no. just remember, there are more people in india without access to a toilet than there are people in the united states.

the "me" generation started with generation X in the 80's and the concept of the yuppie has trickled down to kids who are still getting an allowance and spending it on txt messages and Akon ringtones. these kids don't have jobs, yet they have blackberrys. i didn't have cable TV until two years ago and i honestly think it was the greatest thing for my development. these girls on the maury show come out in their ecko red and rocawear jackets with bling necklaces and cell phones at the age of 14. when i was 14 i was out in the woods building fires with the boyscouts and learning what plants i could eat if i was stuck out there for a week. but i've digressed too much. let me boil this all down to one point...

when the zombie holocaust comes, i'll be out in the woods sowing seeds and hunting boars with my bow living in a log cabin, and all those people will be cannibalizing eachother in the city. a video ipod isn't going to turn pond water drinkable. he with the most toys dies first.

i love playing scrabble, and now that it's on facebook, it's so much easier to play. and of course, sometimes the universe lines up and you can open with this:

Finally something to listen to that's different and should be on the radio instead of bands like deathcab for cutie and that lame ass james blunt.

wow.

So... last night i went to a killers of comedy show in levittown at Rev. Bob Levy's comedy club in the ramada inn on route 13. I hung out with the comedians bob and shauli after the show as well as the ever strange alien abductee Riley Martin. from around midnight until 3am, i was in shauli's (one of the stern show reporters/comedians/writers) room trying to find the discovery channel, and watching jackass 2.5. we then prank called stern show whack packers and shauli told inside stories about the show that i probably wasn't supposed to hear.

as a stern fan, this is one of the greatest "stern show moments" i've ever had. it's different just being a listener, turning on the radio, and hearing the show, feeling like part of the family. it's another thing entirely to become and inside part of the show, even if it's only for 3 hours.



on the prank called list:

eric the midget

jeff the drunk

comedian jim florentine (from the tv show crank yankers)

blue iris (a 60 year old porn star)

high pitch eric

gary, AND wendy the retards

and fred the elephant boy



for all of you who don't know the stern show, this means nothing, but for anyone who does, you'd realize this was one hell of a night.



now it's time to celebrate my mother's birthday and attempt to wake up.



shalom, biatch!

old school rotterdam hardcore techno, with a new flare, and the dance craze that's taken over europe. hey, anything to get white people to dance uniformly on the beat is A OK in my book.

you probably recognize this as the "lambada" song. but this is the original untainted bolivian version before those dirty frenchies stole it and sold it to the brazilians. still one of my favorite pieces of music ever written.


I give you, Llorando se fue by los kjarkos.